Sleepaway Camp Readiness: Preparation over Extreme Positivity

Guest blog for MCE by Dr. Tracy Brenner, “The Camp Counselor,” Maine Camp alumna

Last summer, just before visiting day, I got a call from a parent seeking support. Her son had been quite homesick and she wanted advice on how to respond if he were to beg to come home on visiting day. Feeling a mixture of worry, shock and sadness she shared in earnest: “I did everything right to get him ready for camp! I told him he was going to have the ** best**  summer of his life, he was going to make the  best  friends, that he was going to  **love ** all of the activities.” Yes, her son absorbed her positivity and went off to camp feeling excited for all that was ahead. The problem was that he was woefully unprepared to handle those normal feelings that occurred when an experience fell short of perfection. 

This mom is not alone. Instagram is filled with messages about camp like: “Camp friends are the best friends!” and “Get ready for the summer of your life!” and “Live 10 months for 2!” For some campers, these statements may reflect their authentic camp experience. However, for many, camp summers are actually far more nuanced. And when your child’s summer is anything less than “the best,” these over the top messages can make campers and parents feel alienated, isolated and like something is wrong with them. 

When positivity is so excessive and doesn’t leave room for any negative feelings, it becomes toxic and it can have adverse effects. So, the best way to set your child up for summer success is not to _tell _them how great camp is going to be, it’s to help them explore their thoughts and feelings about camp and help them prepare for the hard ones too.  

So, adjust your mindset (and your message to your child) to more realistically optimistic ones. 

Instead of: You** ’ **re going to make the best friends of your life!

**Shift to: There are many ways to be a camper and things to enjoy about camp. Making new friends is one great part of it! **

Instead of making statements about the “most amazing” friends they will make, help your child understand that friendships vary and are one of the many things camp has to offer. Some campers find friendships that last a lifetime in their first summer, others make deeper connections in subsequent summers and others find that their friendships vary and change year after year. For some campers, camp is less about the people and more about the activities, the beauty of nature, new adventures and engaging with spirit and traditions. So, if your camper makes connections but doesn’t reach that high bar of friendship they may feel disappointed or worse, fear they’re disappointing you. 

Instead of: Get ready for the summer of your life!

**Shift to: The camp summer will be filled with a range of experiences and feelings. **

Think about what a shock it would be to your system if you go in expecting something to be perfect, and when it is anything less, you feel disappointment, failure and inadequacy. The camp summer, like any time period, contains highs and lows. Some summers, like some moments, are just better than others. Instead of telling your child how great their summer will be, _explore with them _what they are looking forward to and what they may be worried about. Then help your child prepare to handle tough moments. 

**Shift from extreme positivity to preparation with **** “ **emotional vaccination.”

Instead of communicating only the extremely positive messages about camp, prepare your child with what parenting expert Dr. Becky calls “emotional vaccination.” Just as we use vaccines to build physical antibodies, we use emotional vaccination to arm our children with _emotional _antibodies to prepare their minds and bodies to handle big feelings. While your child is home with you, talk about potentially challenging moments at camp (i.e. missing home). Try the following:

- **Normalize**  the experience of having down moments (everyone has them) - **Provide context ** so they can anticipate and be prepared (i.e. quiet time is harder than active time) - **Explore and validate**  their feelings and teach them how to validate themselves (i.e. “it’s okay to feel sad” or “being away from home feels hard because it is hard.”) - **Teach tools for coping**  (self-talk like “you can do hard things;” distraction techniques like throwing themselves into activities or playing games with bunkmates).  - **Remind them of the support at camp. ** Your child is not alone. Camps are incredibly nurturing environments filled with people to take care of them.

By emotionally vaccinating your child now, you are arming them with the confidence and competence to handle big feelings and therefore, have a more authentically positive summer. 

So, in these weeks leading up to camp, notice your expectations for your child. Consider more nuanced messages and communicate them to your child. Balanced enthusiasm is a great recipe for summer success. 

Maine Camp Experience Resources & Tools

Looking for the perfect Maine camp for your child?  Try out our helpful_ tool where you can select a camp by choosing__: type of camp (girls, boys or coed) and session length (1-8 weeks).  It helps to narrow down a few camps to a manageable list that includes rates.  Then you can research these camps in more depth.  _

Next, be sure to contact our Maine Camp Guide, Laurie to discuss these camps as well as for free, year-round advice and assistance on choosing a great Maine summer camp for your child.