Mail Call: Letters with Your Camper

Guest blog post by Dr. Tracy Brenner, “The Camp Counselor,” alumna camper/counselor and current camp parent, for Maine Camp Experience …

You did it! Your kids are off to camp, adapting to their summer homes and embracing this exciting adventure. Now, we parents wait in anticipation of mail delivery. I remember that deflated feeling when I opened my mailbox to see just bills and catalogs and nervous excitement when I spotted that familiar camp stationery inside. Whether the letters from camp are positive, neutral, sad or mixed, here are some tips and reminders for processing and responding to camp letters.

Scenario 1: The letter is glowing and positive, or neutral and brief!

Great! Enjoy that moment! Your camper is settling in and getting adjusted to camp. 

**Scenario 2: Your child is having a hard time, feeling sad and homesick. **

While it pulls at our heartstrings to hear that our child is missing us and feeling sad at camp, take a deep breath and remember the following:

- **Missing home is normal and expected** , especially in the beginning of the summer.  - **Downtime is harder than active time:**  Letters are written during quiet time, and the prompt to write home makes kids think of home. This quiet moment, where your child is naturally thinking about you, is a recipe to feel the sadness of being away.  - **It**** ’ ****s old news!**  If you’re receiving the letter via USPS, remember that it was written several days ago and the feeling they had when they wrote it has very likely passed. Even with email, there’s still a time delay. The letter is a snapshot in time and may not be reflective of their entire camp experience.  - **Give the whole letter equal weight:**   Oftentimes parents fixate on one sentence where their child expresses sadness or struggle and don’t notice all of the other positive content. Give as much importance to the fact that your child shared that she tried a new food or had fun at an activity as you do to her saying she misses you or gets sad at night.  - **Resist the urge to intervene**  (i.e. immediately rush to call camp). Remember, missing home is part of the experience of being away. If you can tolerate it, wait to see if there’s a pattern in letters before calling camp. If you do call camp, be open and curious. If they tell you that your camper is doing great at activities, making friends and seems happy, they are not lying to you. Remember, two things can be true at the same time: your camper can be having fun and still miss home.

What should parents write in their letters?

General content:

Parents sometimes ask me what they should or shouldn’t put into letters. In general, I suggest writing frequently (getting mail is really fun!) and when you share about your experiences, be mindful of not embellishing or playing up events so that your child doesn’t feel they are missing out. My child got fairly mundane reports of my experience and positive-focused questions about his (what are your favorite foods? What waterfront activity do you like best?) And, of course, I never got answers to those questions! 

Responding to homesick letters:

Respond to homesick letters with warmth and empathy. Communicate to your child that you believe them and you believe in their ability to get through these tough moments. Respond to any positive content in the letter as well, and offer some ideas for distraction and engagement in camp. Remind them of the tremendous support at camp. Here’s a sample:

Dear My Camper, 

I got your last letter and I can hear how much you missed us when you wrote it [validation]. I imagine that’s the hardest part about camp [compassion]. I want you to know that I hear you and I believe you [trust]. I also want you to know that I believe IN you** [encouragement]**. I believe in your ability to do hard things. Being away from home feels hard because it is hard [more validation]. Remember, it’s possible to miss home AND have fun at the same time. Even when it feels so hard to do so, try to throw yourself into something you love: a free period at gymnastics, a swim in the lake, a game with a friend [distraction/ engagement]. Remember the many people who are there to help you and reach out for a hug if you need one [reminders of support]. I’m sending one in this letter right here.  Remember, no matter what, the clock will tick [pep talk].  I love you. 

Love, Mom and Dad

Scenario 3: You still have not gotten a letter…or…you open the envelope and there** ’ ****s a blank piece of paper inside. **

Celebrate! Your child is adjusting to camp, is fully in the moment and cannot be bothered to write home! While I know it’s hard not to hear from your child, reframe your disappointment as a symbol of their joy. You are giving the gift of camp and don’t need anything in return.

Whether the letters are good, bad or nonexistent, remember, they are moments in time. Your child can handle those tough moments and so can you!

Maine Camp Experience Resources & Tools

Looking for the perfect Maine camp for your child?  Try out our helpful_ tool where you can select a camp by choosing__: type of camp (girls, boys or coed) and session length (1-8 weeks).  It helps to narrow down a few camps to a manageable list that includes rates.  Then you can research these camps in more depth.  _

Next, be sure to contact our Maine Camp Guide, Laurie to discuss these camps as well as for free, year-round advice and assistance on choosing a great Maine summer camp for your child.