Camp Director Trust and Letting Go

Guest blog for MCE by Dr. Tracy Brenner, “The Camp Counselor,” Maine Camp alumna camper and counselor, and camp parent

As a former camper and counselor, a veteran camp parent, and a psychologist who specializes in supporting campers and parents in the transition to camp, I never thought it would be hard for me to “let go” for the summer. However, in a flash, that all changed.

I geared up for my daughter’s first summer at sleepaway camp preparing in all the ways I encourage other parents to do. I packed the duffle (and mostly stuck to the packing list!). My daughter and I discussed how to be prepared for hard feelings, and how to cope when those feelings occur. I helped her practice skills for independent living. And of course, helped get her fired up for all of the activities, friends and fun. In other words, I practiced what I preach: Prepare your child and prepare yourself.

June rolled around and she was appropriately nervous, excited, and ready. And I was too.

Then, two weeks prior to departure, she broke her arm and required surgery. The injury made one thing painfully clear: Even when you’ve “done everything right,” the summer may not unfold as planned.

The injury also ignited worries that many parents know all too well, regardless of broken bones: Is she ready to be away from home? Will she be okay socially? Will she have fun? What will happen if she’s in pain or upset?

What made me ultimately able to make the choice to send her to camp is the same important factor I tell parents when choosing a camp: trust. Trust is not communicated through over-the-top positivity or platitudes. Her camp directors did not simply say, “Don’t worry! She will still have the best summer of her life.” Nor is trust communicated by directors being overtaken by my worry: “oh no, if she’s scared and you’re scared don’t send her!” Instead, my daughter’s camp directors responded as sturdy leaders do: They provided warmth and empathy, saying,“of course you’re worried, this is an unexpected curveball.” But they also asserted their expertise: “We’ve seen broken bones before, even on new campers. We’ve got this and here’s how we handle it.”

A director communicates trust by validating fears and asserting their expertise and boundaries. A trusted director also doesn’t just say “yes” to accommodate parent or camper worries, concerns or demands. They are thoughtful and reflective in their decision making and let the camp’s values and mission inform their choices, including when to hold their boundaries.

Trust is not about providing constant reassurance. In fact, while worries often make us feel that we want and need reassurance, reassurance often acts as a temporary bandaid that ultimately strengthens our fears and makes us crave more reassurance. Constantly seeking reassurance prohibits letting go. Letting go is essential to protect the “awayness” of sleepaway camp. It is that awayness, when kids are untethered from their parents, that kids are able to become more independent, self-confident and resilient. Trust is the key to letting go. And letting go is the key to summer success.

When you are looking at sleepaway camps or preparing for a first summer, listen to how a director responds to your (or your child’s) concerns. Responses that feel empathic, honest, thoughtful, convey experience and expertise, and are supported by camp’s values will help you build trust far more than a director who just rushes to say “yes, we can solve that problem.” And if you feel that a director is setting a boundary about your contact with camp, that’s good. Trustworthy directors don’t invite constant parent access or over-involvement. They are there to support you but also believe that “no news is good news.” They do this to protect the camp bubble because they understand that the bubble is what allows growth.

With that foundation of trust in place, I was able to send my daughter to camp in her bright pink cast. And while the unexpected injury may have altered her time spent in the lake and participation in some activities, her love of camp was not at all compromised. And in trusting her camp enough to let go, I learned that sometimes the greatest gift we can give our children is our willingness to step back and believe they can do hard things.

Maine Camp Experience Resources & Tools: Looking for the perfect Maine camp for your child? Try out our [helpful tool[(https://mainecampexperience.com/find-a-summer-camp/select-a-camp-tool) where you can select a camp by choosing: type of camp (girls, boys or coed) and session length (1-8 weeks). It helps to narrow down a few camps to a manageable list that includes rates. Then you can research these camps in more depth. Next, be sure to contact our Maine Camp Guide, Laurie to discuss these camps as well as for free, year-round advice and assistance on choosing a great Maine summer camp for your child.