What Camp Friendships Actually Look Like

Guest blog for Maine Camp Experience by Dr. Tracy Brenner, Maine Camp alumna camper/counselor, and current camp parent

“Camp friends are the best friends!”

It’s a phrase we see posted on Instagram and a mantra often repeated by former campers. And for many, it rings true.

Friendships at camp often feel uniquely intense and meaningful. Campers live together in close quarters, sharing daily life—the highs, the lows, and everything in between. There’s less emphasis on appearance and more space for authenticity. Campers are part of something that feels special and shared—traditions, rituals, and inside jokes that matter deeply within the camp bubble, even if they wouldn’t translate beyond it. For all of these reasons, friendships formed at camp can feel incredibly deep and lasting.

But what often gets lost in the phrase “camp friends are the best friends” is how those friendships actually develop.

In my work, I often hear parents express concern after a first summer that their child “doesn’t have a best friend” or “hasn’t found their group.” These worries are incredibly common.

What’s less understood is that often, meaningful friendships are not formed or solidified in a first, second, or even third summer. Like friendships at school, they develop over time. In today’s world, where social media showcases highlight reels of tight-knit groups and “instant best friends,” expectations around friendship have quietly shifted—and often become unrealistic.

Each summer offers a new opportunity: different cabin dynamics, new campers, shifting interests, new activities, and evolving maturity. Even within the same group, closeness can shift from year to year. A child who felt on the outside one summer may feel deeply connected the next.

If we expect our child to find a best friend or solid group immediately—and assume that those relationships should remain constant—we may unintentionally limit their openness to new and different connections.

You might also notice a growing trend of parents trying to “set up” camp friendships before the summer even begins—coordinating pre-camp meetups so their child arrives already knowing someone. While this instinct is completely understandable, it often comes from the same place: a desire to ensure our child feels comfortable and connected right away.

But camp is one of the few spaces where children have the opportunity to find their people on their own—without social engineering, without the influence of who their parents know, and without a pre-determined script.

When we try to pre-arrange friendships, we may unintentionally take away something important: the chance for a child to walk into a new environment, take social risks, and discover connection independently.

That process may feel slower or less certain—but it’s also what makes those friendships feel truly their own.

In fact, many of the most meaningful camp friendships develop later. I often share that some of my own closest camp friendships weren’t with the girls I was closest to as a camper, but with those I returned with as a counselor. Relationships deepen in different ways over time.

It’s also important to remember that conflict is a normal part of friendship—at camp just as it is at home. The middle school years, in particular, are marked by a strong desire for connection, a heightened focus on the social world, and an increased sensitivity to inclusion and exclusion. With that comes the potential for conflict, disappointment, and feeling left out.

We tend to accept these developmental realities during the school year, but often forget that they apply at camp as well.

A challenging social stretch at camp does not mean camp is wrong for your child. It means your child is having a human experience.

What camp offers is something incredibly valuable: the opportunity to navigate those moments. With the support of caring counselors, children can learn how to communicate, repair, and recover. They may experience a summer where a relationship feels difficult, only to return the next summer and find that those same peers become close friends.

Friendships, when given time and space, are flexible. They stretch. They evolve. And they recover.

And while individual friendships may ebb and flow, something more constant is always present: your child is part of a larger community. Campers share a common language, participate in traditions, and move through the rhythms of camp life together. Even when a child isn’t feeling closely connected to one particular peer, they are still part of something that fosters a broader sense of belonging.

One additional worry I often hear from parents is about what happens after the summer ends. Parents may notice that their child isn’t texting camp friends regularly, isn’t asking for frequent playdates, or doesn’t seem especially focused on maintaining those relationships during the year.

And that, too, is okay.

Camp friendships don’t always need to be actively maintained in the off-season to remain meaningful. For many children, camp exists as its own world—one they step back into each summer. The connection is still there, even if it’s quiet during the year. Not all friendships need to look the same or follow the same rules to be real and important.

Resist the urge to orchestrate or accelerate the process—friendship at camp is meant to unfold, not be pre-arranged.

So parents, please do not worry if your 9-year-old does not have a best friend, your 10- year-old hasn’t found his group, or your 13-year-old is navigating more social conflict this summer.

Camp friendships, like all friendships, are not meant to be perfect. The goal is not to secure a seamless social experience or lock in lifelong best friends from day one. The goal is something much more important: to help your child learn how to be in relationship with others—how to join in, take risks, navigate disappointment, repair after conflict, and stay open to connection over time.

Those are the skills that lead to deep, meaningful friendships—not just at camp, but in life.

And like everything else at camp, they are built over time—not all at once, and not without some struggle along the way.

Maine Camp Experience Resources & Tools

Looking for the perfect Maine camp for your child? Try out our helpful tool where you can select a camp by choosing: type of camp (girls, boys or coed) and session length (1-8 weeks). It helps to narrow down a few camps to a manageable list that includes rates. Then you can research these camps in more depth. Next, be sure to contact our Maine Camp Guide, Laurie to discuss these camps as well as for free, year-round advice and assistance on choosing a great Maine summer camp for your child.